Sappy Birthdayversary

Birthday Cake (Photo credit: Will Clayton)

Here is an update on our prayer needs. We still need a place to live. The electric company is still harassing people. They have not picked on us, yet. We have a new team member, Emmanuel, who is adjusting to life here and working in the hangar with David.

Today marks four years that we have been with MAF! I never forget our MAF anniversary because it falls on our oldest son's birthday. Last week our daughter had her first birthday ever without her big brother. Today is the first time Josh will have had a birthday away from us. Next month, our youngest will have his first birthday away from his brother. I knew when we joined MAF, on Josh's 15th birthday, that one day there would be thousands of miles between us and our children. I told myself that would be ok, that God would take care of them. Even if we were still in the states, they would still have to grow up and leave the nest, right?

Mail box (Photo credit: Mark Sardella)

But I didn't realize how hard it would be. I can't just run to the nearest store and buy a gift and a greeting card and pop them in the mail. There is no postal service. No shopping mall. Between the time zones and the slow connection, we can't usually get skype to work. And right now, he has no phone service so we can't call him even on our phones. It isn't just birthdays that bother me either. I couldn't send him goodies during his finals. I couldn't go to his rugby games. Someone else has to drive him to the doctor or the store. There is no one to bake him a birthday cake.

So the prevailing mood at our house has been rather melancholic. We all miss Josh even more than usual. While I was in my self-pity mode I wrote this "letter to my children." It's pretty sappy and not very good, but oh well. It's the thought that counts.


My Mother Heart

I have two hearts. One is my human heart. The other is my mother’s heart. And they are sometimes at odds with one another.

My human heart knows you were never mine. You were a loan, entrusted to me for a time to love, nurture and train. I always knew I would one day have to let you go.

My mother heart will always think of you as mine, and will always long to have you near me.

My human heart knows that you will make mistakes along the way and prays you will learn from them, becoming better and not bitter.

My mother heart wants to protect you from even your own mistakes.

My human heart knows that you are learning to take care of yourself and make your own decisions, and that this is how it should be.

My mother heart wants you to need me, just a little.

My human heart knows that God has you in the palm of his hand. He loves you more than I ever can and is faithful and trustworthy.

My mother heart sometimes fears for you anyway.

My human heart knows I don’t deserve you. You are incredible, precious, and amazing. You give me joy and laughter, and yes, some tears. I love watching you: as you interact with others, as you learn and play, as you grow in your faith. I am proud of you and will always love you.

My mother heart feels the same way.