I'm a Missouri girl, so I can't think of a better place to be refreshed and renewed than Missouri in spring and early summer. Everything is blooming and the colors are vibrant with newness. Baby birds and animals are everywhere and all around you can see and hear their parents keeping vigil and finding food. Everything smells, well, like spring. It's a balm for the senses and the soul and I loved getting to enjoy the season again.
You would think with all of that newness I would have returned to Congo recharged and ready to go. The reality is that a struggle began in me before I left the states and followed me here. It didn't help that I was sick the last three of my four weeks home. That wears on a person. Missionary life has made me more acutely aware that every moment with a loved one, every walk down a favorite path, every routine activity we so often take for granted could be the last, so you better savor it.
I didn't want to just savor the moments. I wanted to keep them. Watching my kids interacting with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents reminded me of all they miss when we are away. My first-born went off to college at 18 and for two years he was the only one in our immediate family on U.S. soil. When breaks and summers came and other students went home, his "home" was 7,000 miles away and unreachable. He had places he could go stay, but they weren't "home." Now my daughter is in the same predicament. My youngest struggles with isolation and life without electricity most of the time and he can't even get packages from his grandparents.
I felt like I had cheated my children.
Feelings cannot alway be trusted, though, and I know that. How I feel can be affected and manipulated by many things but Truth never changes. The truth is that God is our Shepherd and takes care of us as a shepherd cares for his flock. A shepherd safely leads his flock to where they need to be to find nourishment and rest to grow strong and healthy. He carries the weak ones and the littlest ones because he knows how fragile they are and how hard the path is. God knows the path ahead of my kids and He's got them in his arms. A shepherd leads the mamas in his flock with gentleness. He knows my feelings and doesn't disregard them, but gently beckons me to trust Him. To trust Truth.
"He tends his flocks like a shepherd:
he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."
Isaiah 40:11
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