Pass the rejection.

I'm so excited!  We've been with MAF since July of 2008, and this weekend I will have my first ride in an MAF airplane!  It gets even better.  We are going on our first visit to the interior, a place called Nkara to visit with our good friends Jim and Nancy Smith.  They are missionaries and we'll get a chance to see their ministry in action.  I can't wait to come back and tell you all about it.  There's no internet there, so you won't hear from me for a little bit.  In the mean time, I wrote this a long time ago and then decided not to use it, but since I'll be gone I pulled it out of hiding. Personally, I think my cartoon drawing is better than what I wrote but I couldn't use the one without the other.


A good friend once told me I need to learn to say no.  I said, “I have to say yes.”  She said, “No, you don’t.” (See?  She knows how to say no.)

I do struggle with saying no.  On the occasions that I force myself to say no, I feel guilty and think I have to justify it.

So why do I have so much angst over that little word?
- I care and I want to help.
- I don’t want to be thought of as rude or disagreeable.
- I don’t want others to feel hurt or rejected.
- I don’t like confrontations and some people don’t like to take no for an answer.
- I want people to approve of me and not be disappointed.

Moreover (I’ve always wanted to use that word!), why should I say no?
- When I should say no and I do not, I become angry and resentful toward the person I said yes to.  It’s     not their fault, but that’s what happens.
- To keep me from being anxious about all the things I have to do that I should have said no to.
- If I say no to what I should, then I can say yes to what I should.
- My first ministry is my family and I should say no if saying yes would hinder that.
- I only have so much physical, emotional, and mental energy.

I need to get it in my thick head that saying no to someone is not handing them a big plate of rejection and saying “dig in!”  It means I am making a decision based on how much time and energy I have and what is best for my family.  I’m the only person who can rightfully make that decision because I am the one managing the home and juggling the priorities.  People have wrongly supposed in the past that because I am a stay at home mom, I have oodles of time on my hands.  Honestly, no, I don’t.  We chose to give up a lot financially when we decided I would stay home.  Even before we came to Africa I spent a lot of time doing things from scratch or by hand to save us money.  We spend a large chunk of our days home schooling.  I have other priorities that are important to me and that I feel God has called me to do.

What’s the worst that can happen if I say no?  I might lose a relationship that is based on manipulation or on the other person being used to getting their own way.  Alternatively - I might get an opportunity to steer that relationship in a healthier direction for both of us.  What is the best that can happen?  Freedom from guilt and resentment, and freedom to focus on what I should.